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stillness
July 2009 
Control...
Posted on May 30th, 2008
by 
OK
OK
...or lack of it I might say as looking around I can't seem to find anything here that I am in control of. If I zoom in on any sensation or detail of this moment is there anything here that I predicted or brought into existence? The particular sound the computer is making, the itch on my cheek, the exact feeling in the stomach, the pattern of green and brown through the window... anything??
*But you chose to leave the room you were in, come into this room, sit at the computer, and type this no? And then you brought this about.
This is an interpretation in thought. It would be silly to argue about this and I wouldn't assert that what you say is wrong but let me just tell you what I find when I zoom in. That each word in your description is a symbol used by the mind to... (what's the word here?) filter reality. The word "room" is a concept. I sit in 'my room' and when I call it that it might feel as if I know this room. I know nothing. 'Room' is a label I give to this view of infinity going on around me. If I zoom in on any detail I quickly find that I've never seen it before. The phrase "I know this place like the back of my hand" is funny. Let me right now stop and look at the back of my hand. OMG, what alien landscape is this!? Is this supposed to be me/mine? I don't think so. It is every bit as new and unexplored as the flowing grain in the wood beneath it. "My hand", what a funny thing to say :)
The assertion that I made a decision to leave one room and walk into this one and sit down here is a story. I hasten to add that there's nothing wrong with it! It's useful. I just want to point out a distinction. When I say "I'm walking from here to there" that's what the mind says, but stop this story at any point and look around. Everything, in every detail, infinite, indescribable, unpredictable, immeasurable, uncontrollable.
A man in a white lab coat could follow me around all day and write down everything I did. At the end of the day he would have the story of my day (or after many years perhaps the story of my life). This man is like thoughts. He is interpreting, and never really where the action is. Always after the fact. He could (and does) write his interpretation with any number of different spins. It's all OK but I don't believe a word of it. It's a story.
*But you can choose can't you? I suppose that you had the thought "I'm going to go to the computer and write", or some such, and then you did. Sounds like a plan to me, and then you willed it to happen.
Let me just back up to the beginning of your question and ask, do you choose your thoughts? Do you ever sit down and plan what you are going to think next? Can you tell me what your next thought is going to be?? That "I willed it to happen" is a story.
This is how seems to me at this time.
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OK, your words resonate deeply with me. We really don't know anything. Every moment is brand new, every happening is brand new, this thing called a “hand” typing on the keyboard is the most incredible mystery of all. It's like there's something witnessing this incredible blooming of Life that's happening without any control and just so amazed that it's happening at all. I experience this so much…….whoever “I” might be….and then watch “I” assuming an identity and a story once again.
Thanks for writing this. A big smile from someone who has no idea what's gonna happen next.
hhhhm beauty and truth, but give me fire works give me emotion give me you
Beautiful OK….
Thanks for writing from the depth of you…
I Love these insights…. they come from such a deep and knowing place… the knowing in the unknown….
Thanks for sharing these insights..
So true , I don't know which thoughts will come next…
: )
Thanks so much for these comments friends.